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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
World
Show
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Lifelong
School
Quit
Need
Quitting
Needs
Smart
Really
Early
Think
Maybe
Thinking
Age

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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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