Quote

When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
School
Quit
Need
Quitting
Needs
Smart
Really
Early
Think
Maybe
Thinking
Age
World
Show
Shows
Lifelong

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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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Religion is just mind control.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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