Quote

When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Think
Maybe
Thinking
Age
World
Show
Shows
Lifelong
School
Quit
Need
Quitting
Needs
Smart
Really
Early

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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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Does killing time damage eternity?
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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Life is not that complicated.
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