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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Good
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Ninth
Didn
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School
Studies
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Grades
Need
Quit
Needs
Quitting
Even
Study
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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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Does killing time damage eternity?
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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