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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Didn
Grade
School
Studies
Wanted
Grades
Need
Quit
Needs
Quitting
Even
Study
Good
Knew
Though
Ninth
More quotes by George Carlin
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
George Carlin
Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
George Carlin
It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
George Carlin
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
George Carlin
I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
George Carlin
Does killing time damage eternity?
George Carlin
Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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Language always gives you away.
George Carlin
And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
George Carlin
Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
George Carlin
If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
George Carlin
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
George Carlin
They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
George Carlin
