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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Good
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Ninth
Didn
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School
Studies
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Quit
Needs
Quitting
Even
Study
More quotes by George Carlin
If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
George Carlin
So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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