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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
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Humorist
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Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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