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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Waiting
Funny
Waiters
Waiter
Humor
Rooms
More quotes by George Carlin
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
George Carlin
Hooray for most things!
George Carlin
We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
George Carlin
The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
George Carlin
I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
George Carlin
I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
George Carlin
People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
George Carlin
Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
George Carlin
Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
George Carlin
If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
George Carlin
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
George Carlin
Life is a zero sum game.
George Carlin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
George Carlin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
George Carlin
I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
George Carlin
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
George Carlin
It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
George Carlin
I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
George Carlin
Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
George Carlin
