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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Waiters
Waiter
Humor
Rooms
Waiting
Funny
More quotes by George Carlin
I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
George Carlin
I do something about the weather. I stay home.
George Carlin
When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
George Carlin
My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
George Carlin
People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
George Carlin
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
George Carlin
There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
George Carlin
The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
George Carlin
I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
George Carlin
A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
George Carlin
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
George Carlin
Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
George Carlin
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
George Carlin
I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
George Carlin
I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
George Carlin
We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
George Carlin
The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
George Carlin
And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
George Carlin
The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
George Carlin
