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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Waiter
Humor
Rooms
Waiting
Funny
Waiters
More quotes by George Carlin
Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
George Carlin
Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
George Carlin
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
George Carlin
They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
George Carlin
They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
George Carlin
If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
George Carlin
Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
George Carlin
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
George Carlin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
George Carlin
All music is the blues. All of it.
George Carlin
I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
George Carlin
The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
George Carlin
And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
George Carlin
Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
George Carlin
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
George Carlin
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
George Carlin
There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
George Carlin
My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
George Carlin
There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
George Carlin
A pear is a failed apple.
George Carlin
