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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Waiters
Waiter
Humor
Rooms
Waiting
Funny
More quotes by George Carlin
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
George Carlin
Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
George Carlin
You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
George Carlin
George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
George Carlin
Everyone smiles in the same language.
George Carlin
There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
George Carlin
Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
George Carlin
Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
George Carlin
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George Carlin
You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
George Carlin
I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
George Carlin
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
George Carlin
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
George Carlin
The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
George Carlin
A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
George Carlin
God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
George Carlin
Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
George Carlin
I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
George Carlin
