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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Drumsticks
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Wouldn
More quotes by George Carlin
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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