Quote

If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Think
Bread
Thinking
Wouldn
Like
Perhaps
Humor
Drumsticks
Playing
Drum
Funny
Drums
Play
Roll
Would
Thank

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All music is the blues. All of it.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, Hey, listen to me. Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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