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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Play
Roll
Would
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Think
Bread
Thinking
Wouldn
Like
Perhaps
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Drumsticks
Playing
Drum
Funny
Drums
More quotes by George Carlin
Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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