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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Funny
Drums
Play
Roll
Would
Thank
Think
Bread
Thinking
Wouldn
Like
Perhaps
Humor
Drumsticks
Playing
Drum
More quotes by George Carlin
Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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Religion is just mind control.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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