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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Beautiful
People
Loving
Inspiring
Constitution
Americans
Freedom
Spiritual
Sense

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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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Hooray for most things!
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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