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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Long
Time
People
Tuxedos
Performer
Performers
Guts
Laughing
Inside

More quotes by George Carlin

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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
George Carlin
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
George Carlin
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
George Carlin
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
George Carlin