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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Inside
Long
Time
People
Tuxedos
Performer
Performers
Guts
Laughing
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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