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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Laughing
Inside
Long
Time
People
Tuxedos
Performer
Performers
Guts

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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Does killing time damage eternity?
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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