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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Long
Time
People
Tuxedos
Performer
Performers
Guts
Laughing
Inside

More quotes by George Carlin

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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
George Carlin
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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