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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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Life is not that complicated.
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