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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
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Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin
There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
George Carlin
I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
George Carlin
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
George Carlin
Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
George Carlin
Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
George Carlin
Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
George Carlin
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
George Carlin
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
George Carlin
There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
George Carlin
Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
George Carlin
