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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Find
Feel
Feels
Trying
Something
Way
Targets
Target
Express

More quotes by George Carlin

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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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