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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin
It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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Language always gives you away.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
George Carlin