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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Bridges
More quotes by George Carlin
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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