Quote

People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Control
Littles
Little
Everything
Going
People
Exhale
Bend
Relax

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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
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You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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