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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Long
Poor
Third
Things
Littles
Thirds
World
Reason
Reasons
People
Little
Plant
Feel
Drug
Sometimes
Empty
Peasants
Feels
Asks
Drugs
Different
Wrong
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More quotes by George Carlin
There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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Life is tough, then you die.
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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