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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Little
Plant
Feel
Drug
Sometimes
Empty
Peasants
Feels
Asks
Drugs
Different
Wrong
Send
Long
Poor
Third
Things
Littles
Thirds
World
Reason
Reasons

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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, Hey, listen to me. Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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