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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Anyone
Misguided
Certain
Onstage
Going
Attract
Always
Sex
Never
Number
Groupies
Think
Interested
Groupie
Thinking
Instead
Clap
People
Numbers
Crabs
More quotes by George Carlin
Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
George Carlin
There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
George Carlin
The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
George Carlin
The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
George Carlin
Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
George Carlin
