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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Always
Sex
Never
Number
Groupies
Think
Interested
Groupie
Thinking
Instead
Clap
People
Numbers
Crabs
Anyone
Misguided
Certain
Onstage
Going
Attract
More quotes by George Carlin
Language always gives you away.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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