Quote

Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Always
Sex
Never
Number
Groupies
Think
Interested
Groupie
Thinking
Instead
Clap
People
Numbers
Crabs
Anyone
Misguided
Certain
Onstage
Going
Attract

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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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