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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Think
Interested
Groupie
Thinking
Instead
Clap
People
Numbers
Crabs
Anyone
Misguided
Certain
Onstage
Going
Attract
Always
Sex
Never
Number
Groupies
More quotes by George Carlin
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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