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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Mean
Eight
Going
Asked
Never
Question
People
Since
Morning
High
Understand
Nothing
Onstage
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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