Quote

When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Morning
High
Understand
Nothing
Onstage
Mean
Eight
Going
Asked
Never
Question
People
Since

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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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