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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Example
Philosophy
Poignant
Traders
Art
Examples
Music
Priests
Might
Gotten
Merely
Hold

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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Your home is your refuge.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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