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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Ever
Humor
Game
Says
Team
Winning
Games
Funny

More quotes by George Carlin

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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
George Carlin
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
George Carlin
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
George Carlin
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
George Carlin
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
George Carlin
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
George Carlin
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
George Carlin
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
George Carlin
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
George Carlin
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
George Carlin