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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Religion
Unchangeable
Self
Accept
Something
Intellectual
Choice
Birth
Accepting
Decision
Choices
Conferred
More quotes by George Carlin
Language always gives you away.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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