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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Thinking
Tools
Independent
Gave
Taught
Religion
School
Reject
Wanted
Rejects
Think
Catholic

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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Surround yourself with what you love.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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