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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin

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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
George Carlin
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
George Carlin
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
George Carlin