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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin

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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
George Carlin
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
George Carlin
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
George Carlin
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
George Carlin
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
George Carlin
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
George Carlin
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
George Carlin
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
George Carlin
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
George Carlin
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
George Carlin
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
George Carlin
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
George Carlin
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
George Carlin
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
George Carlin
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
George Carlin
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
George Carlin
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
George Carlin
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
George Carlin
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
George Carlin
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
George Carlin