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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Actually
Father
Left
Young
Alcohol
Wells
Asked
Well
Leave
Trouble
Quite

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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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