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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Father
Left
Young
Alcohol
Wells
Asked
Well
Leave
Trouble
Quite
Actually
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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