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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Wells
Asked
Well
Leave
Trouble
Quite
Actually
Father
Left
Young
Alcohol

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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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