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We created god in our own image and likeness!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Created
Likeness
Image

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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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Does killing time damage eternity?
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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No comment is a comment.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
George Carlin