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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Mean
Nice
Jewel
Bigs
Crown
Moving
Jewels
Doesn
Crowns
Money
Broadway
Littles
Career
Anything
Careers
Little
Move

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The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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