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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Tumors
Include
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Favors
Growth
Personal
Doesn
Malignant
Long
More quotes by George Carlin
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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