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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Growth
Personal
Doesn
Long
Malignant
Tumors
Include
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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