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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Personal
Doesn
Long
Malignant
Tumors
Include
Favor
Favors
Growth
More quotes by George Carlin
Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
George Carlin
