Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Long
Malignant
Tumors
Include
Favor
Favors
Growth
Personal
Doesn
More quotes by George Carlin
I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
George Carlin
On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
George Carlin
No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
George Carlin
Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
George Carlin
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
George Carlin
To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
George Carlin
The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
George Carlin
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
George Carlin
When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
George Carlin
Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
George Carlin
We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
George Carlin
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin
Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
George Carlin
I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
George Carlin
Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
George Carlin
I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
George Carlin
Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
George Carlin
My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
George Carlin
Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
George Carlin
Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
George Carlin
