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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Favors
Growth
Personal
Doesn
Long
Malignant
Tumors
Include
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More quotes by George Carlin
Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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Surround yourself with what you love.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
George Carlin
I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
George Carlin
With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
George Carlin
If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
George Carlin
The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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