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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Iron
Test
Balls
Tests
Brass
Gold
Metal
Heart
Metals
Steel
Nerves

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The status quo sucks.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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Your home is your refuge.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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