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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Modern
Thanksgiving
Living
Culinary
World
Cooking
Clean
Realize
Realizing
Millions
Ovens
Food
Turkeys
More quotes by George Carlin
I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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