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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Euphemism
Syllables
Divorced
Reality

More quotes by George Carlin

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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
George Carlin
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
George Carlin
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
George Carlin
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
George Carlin
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
George Carlin
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
George Carlin
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
George Carlin
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
George Carlin
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
George Carlin
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
George Carlin
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
George Carlin
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
George Carlin
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
George Carlin
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
George Carlin
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
George Carlin
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George Carlin
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Your home is your refuge.
George Carlin
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
George Carlin
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
George Carlin