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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Euphemism
Syllables
Divorced
Reality

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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
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You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
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