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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Pure
Minutes
Best
Live
Years
Eighty
Six
Magic

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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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