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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Fiber
Psyche
Moral
Words
Really
Think
Thinking
Injure
People
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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A pear is a failed apple.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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