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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Really
Think
Thinking
People
Injure
Fiber
Psyche
Moral
Words
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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Does killing time damage eternity?
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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