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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Crossed
Entertainment
Fingers
Business
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More quotes by George Carlin

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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
George Carlin
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
George Carlin