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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Zombie
Bullshit
Angel
Atheism
Wells
Might
Well
Package
Going
Packages
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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