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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Place
Find
Different
Movin
Every
Persistence
Ahead
Straight
Advice
Keep

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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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