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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Ahead
Straight
Advice
Keep
Place
Find
Different
Movin
Every
Persistence

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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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